Even those who die young had their smiles, he said to me.
These words have empowered me to reflect on the map of life these last few days. Slowly the threads have been unravelling and stages of grief washing over and through me. Grief is not plain sailing, there are so many layers that it renders one thrown into turbulence one minute only to sink into numbness the next, it casts them into sorrow then onto landmines of why at other times.
Death is an inevitable chapter of life but there are instances when it becomes twisted and tragic such as in cases of addiction for example, a topic that is not talked about enough or aired as much as it should be. Such an affliction is still considered a stigma in modern society.
Note - I do not profess to be a medical specialist nor a mental health expert rather this post stems from a personal loss recently and the experience I went through.
From personal experience, I believe there are many flaws in people getting the help they need with addiction, one being funding. In the UK, funding for departments of Mental Health support has been cut left, right and centre and obviously this has had a detrimental effect on those seeking or desperately needing help. Another problem is that mental health issues are covered up with the addiction. The addiction becomes the focus and problem and not the underlying reason/s and it is practically impossible to get the help so badly sought when the real problem is cloaked to either save money or because it is judged not as important as other issues related to the health service. This is sadly what I witnessed in such a scenario. Help was sought and more than once or twice or thrice, solutions were offered that were of no use in the long run. I refer to UK standards at the time, standards are different place to place of course.
Aside from the system's flaws and errors, I have thrown myself in the depths of why addiction happens. I do not consider myself exempt either, there have been times vices became a threat when I invoked oblivion at painful times in my life. Some souls just want release from existence, the toxicity and state of the world becomes too much. Sometimes a sensitive nature becomes perturbed and nightmares overtake daylight thoughts. Other times, most times, their real problems are masked as mentioned and the addiction focused on rather than the cause/s.
You can place a bandage on a wound as often as you deem fit but in the end, if the wound is not treated, the festering underneath will continue. This seems to be the norm for treatment in the UK.
Naturally, I do understand and appreciate there are those who do not wish to address what swims beneath and that is their right of course, my attention is on those who do and are not dealt with in the appropriate manner and given the help they deserve and require.
Knowing someone for twenty-four years you get a good idea of their personality. The addiction suffered by said person was an attempt to silence the demons inside as he would say, a last hope to deafen the voices that invaded and an outlet to numb the hurts experienced when they felt nobody would listen.
Seeing them become a shell of their former self as help was refused makes you question the system and sadly lose faith in it. If anything comes of those left behind, I would hope and pray that they voice for those no longer with a voice, if only to let those suffering with addiction know that they are not unseen and forgotten by some.
I try to take a lesson from the good and bad in life. Grief is a life changing event and strikes when you least expect it. 2018 was a year of both happiness and sadness for me. This seems to be the theme of my life if I look back with a balanced perspective.
The truth is you can not force someone to live, however painful it is to watch and bear, you simply can not but it is not an unreasonable hope that one day society may be less judgemental and supportive and that the health system doesn't fail those who so desperately need them. The UK is blessed to have free health treatment which no-one can deny is a blessing to most but the funding for such is limited. There is a whole lot of reasons and questions as to why this is the case but the powers that be seldom come forth with answers.
Yesterday I re-found a song that my late best friend sent to me many moons ago, the lyrics speak for themselves. Retrospect is at times a hurtful process to go through, nevertheless, this song was sent to me to remind me that one is never alone in the trials of life, re-listening to it is bittersweet. On one hand a message from beyond to reassure, on another, a potent reminder that someone can suffer so deeply inside but still appear positive on the outside. Perhaps therein is another element of the problem, aside from the failing system, no one enquires how another feels these days. Compassion and empathy have become a rare practice.
Even those who die young had their smiles, he said and there were smiles before the darkness became too much. Nothing is permanent, it is true but hold onto to whatever gives your heart peace, it can make this journey a little easier when the soul is weary.
Until the mist clears and we meet again...my friend...
*Statistics from 2017-2018 (England)
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